Smart, mature, with a sense of humor, good looking, tall(but not too tall), good job, nice car, good feet(if you like that sort of thing), likes indie music, Thai food, hates bees, but loves honey, generous, blah blah bladdy blah. You have just described the one person everyone else wants to be with while adding some of your own “unique” picks. The search for that person we feel we need in our lives to make us whole, what we feel is the perfect person to be with. Jaded this may seem, but you won’t get that person, no one will. You probably don’t really deserve that person. Before the torches and pitch forks come out, think for a second about what you’re really asking that person to be, and evaluate what you’re brining to the table. Not the representative you send out in public, but the real you; in sweats right out of bed and laughing at something silly for no damn reason. The “real” you, deserves somebody who wants…that.
Yes, I’m going at relationships today. Didn’t think I was going to until SoM hit the 30’s, but damn it all if I couldn’t shake an idea. At some point in life, unless you are very enough to get your one and only without much trouble, or are prone to settling, someone will ask you about what you look for in relationships. Sadly, this turns out to be a list of qualities that range from the all encompassing generic to microscopically specific. These sorts of lists tend to make things worse, as everyone is looking to date the same three people. Of course we want someone smart and funny, attractive and nice. Show me someone who wants to date or marry a dumb asshole with no sense of humor, go ahead, I’ll give you a minute. Done? Ok, now that you’ve wasted both of our time, I’ll tell you why you couldn’t find that person. Also, why you actually know people who are currently with that dumb asshole with no sense of humor. We, in actuality, have no idea what we want until we have it or for worse fact, lose it. Speaking from experience, I used to think I knew what kind of girl I wanted, from the kind of hair to what their favorite movies would be. I’ve been wrong several times. My best relationships were with people who didn’t really have any qualities on my lists. It was a pleasant surprise. Also, after some evaluation, I realized that dating someone who fits into some mold gets really boring. What’s going to happen when that person eventually changes, as people tend to do over time? Some of those qualities you deemed “perfect” may fall to the wayside in favor of other ones that actually fit who that person really is. I quit “looking” as it’s normally defined, but I’m aware of what really sticks out to me. Appreciation for the little things, outgoing nature, and, well, this isn’t a personal ad or anything, but I know what I want for the most part.
Now to answer why you see cardboard d-bags constantly in relationships with people who could clearly do better; because the person with them is settling for what they think they should be with. The ass who treats his girlfriend like crap but gets her flowers and Pandora charms every now and then; The demanding, clingy girlfriend who is conventionally “pretty”. They have the socially acceptable qualities that are often mistaken for what makes a good relationship. They usually meet under superficial circumstances, and think that the early infatuation will lead to something substantial. Odds are, if you meet someone at a bar and just kind of jump all over each other soon after, then the most you will have in common is sex and booze. Which as we all know is the cornerstone of any great relationship. Now if you meet someone at a friend’s party, or at work, or at a damn yarn convention, you’re more likely to have something real with that person. We tend to go against these things. I personally know people who won’t date someone that their friends are close to because they don’t want someone like their friends. Why the hell not? These are your friends for a reason, why wouldn’t you want someone you can relate to and that can laugh with you when you do something stupid? I’m a firm believer that your significant other should be your be able to be your best friend and not just some random person you try to force something out of nothing with.
I know, I rambled a bit on this one, but to be honest I could probably go on even longer. I’ve been watching the people around me pair off, or at least try to. I know the ones that are working and the ones that are destined to crash and burn. The couples that truly love each other unconditionally and the ones that are just kinda there because their parts fit together. My State of Mined is “serendipitous”. I’m not looking for Ms. Right, but I know I’ll find her, because she’ll be right for me. We won’t be exactly alike, and we won’t be polar opposites either. Don’t worry about what the world says you should have in a partner. Be with someone that compliments who you are. Someone that challenges you in all the right ways to grow as a person, has a life of their own so that you never get bored because you don’t exist outside of your relationship, likes your good qualities but loves you for your faults, and mostly someone that makes you truly happy. Whether you’re out on the town, or sitting on the couch watching some movie you’ve both seen a hundred times. That’s all anyone should personally ask for.
Carpe Diem Kids