Category Archives: relationships

33: I Got A Story To Tell

Ok, here’s a sequel that’s going to be better than the first. The Aliens to my original Alien so to speak. It’s a new year and I want to purge this last bit of malarkey that’s clouding things up. I might not be able to keep things light but hey, we’re all adults and if you can’t handle some stern words here or there than maybe you shouldn’t take up that mantle just yet. Now come on take a ride on my beautiful balloon.

I attended and graduated from an institute of higher learning. That’s tuition speak for “I went to college”. I say that to say this, I have a lot of non-minority friends (To save time, they’ll be White for the rest of this). To that end, they don’t know much about black culture or any culture other than their own for that matter. This wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for a few key factors. One of which is the tool you may be using to read this right now; the internet. I’ll never pass on the chance to educate, in any way shape or form but please, White Friends, if you’re going to make all of your minority friends some sort ambassador for their respective race or ethnicity do a little leg work on your own. While there may be some similarities between black households there are still major differences, and we can’t speak for an entire race or ethnicity because for the most part we just don’t know. I can only speak for certain about myself and my family, the rest of it is educated speculation. Also, disagreeing about how racists or not the world around you is to a minority tends to make you look pretty ridiculous. While you or your family may accept the rainbow connection that world is becoming, we still got a looooong ways to go. Just look at the hatred our President receives on a daily basis. And before you scoff, yes he’s made some mistakes, missteps and less than stellar decisions. Guess what? He’s a damn politician, and there is a huge difference between being critical of a public official and outright hate.

There is no excuse for disliking entire genres of music anymore. None. MP3 access, Pandora, Spotify, a Google search could open the door to so many different songs and artists you’d have to go out of your way not to like something. Hell, I’ve turned friends onto some Dupstep in less than 10 minutes just by looking up a few remixes on youtube and spotify. Dubstep, that wobbly mess the British have thrown over the pond to piss off old people. Quite simply, when music was harder to acquire on a normal basis and the only way you found out about a good song was on the radio  or through word of mouth, you could excuse not knowing certain things. Now, your word of mouth range is however many people you follow on twitter and how many friends you post with on facebook. I highly doubt all 700 people you’re “friends” with listen to all the same music. Why refuse to grow? Do something different for once and see what happens. Worst case scenario, you’ll know for sure that you don’t like Deadmau5, but at least you’ll be able to say why you do or don’t like something instead of lumping everything together.

On that note, either expect more from people or have no expectations. Too many times people have told me “Oh, I’m surprised you like that movie” Or “You listen to blank, Really?” This goes back towards the last part. We have access to way too much media and outside sources now. There’s also the underlying notion that they don’t expect me, Black guy from the inner city to like certain things, which is annoying as all hell. I’ve even had a close friend say they didn’t want to borrow my ipod to go to the gym because I have too much “black music”. I mean, I know Dave Matthews is from Africa and all but I’d hardly call his stuff “black music”.  Either expect the person in front of you to like or dislike on many levels, or allow them to fill in the blanks. We’ve come too far to think that people won’t be interested in a diverse array of things. Yes, there can be some spillover from the pre internet age that still holds them back. Case in point, I didn’t like The Beatles till college, not because thought they were bad, but nobody around me listened to them and they’re weren’t exactly played on the radio stations I listened to in my formative years. Those mostly consisted of hip-hop, R&B and Alternative.

Don’t let your mistakes become trends or habits. At some point they will define you. Your friends and family will judge you by them, and rightfully so. A mistake is a mistake, and yes it can be made more than once. That is a part of being human, but they are to be learned from sooner rather than later. If you continue to date douchebags, that doesn’t mean that all men suck, you just have terrible taste in men. Your friends constantly walking all over you? Stop laying down for them. They’re not totally at fault for what you have allowed them to do. Make Adjustments, Go Get It Energized damnit.

Lighter notes…..

Stop being annoyed at your significant others interests, especially if they’re not really asking you to participate. The Super Bowl is near and waaaaay too many people are complaining that their bf/gf is too interested in the sport. I’m sorry but if you can’t accept that for a few hours a week they may be paying attention to something that isn’t you, it’s more your problem than theirs. And no, this isn’t a gender thing, I know guys and gals who make the same complaint. And it goes for anything. If your lady friend likes say yes to the dress, either sit down and shut up or *gasp* go do something else.

Accept that things you used to like may not be as good as they used to be. I’m looking at you Dexter. Sometimes things just need to end, nothing lasts forever but be honest babe, it hurts may be the only way. Hmm, Somebody should put that in a song.

Okay, I think I’ve rambled enough. I think my State of Mined is “Purged”. The clutter is gone and I can focus getting these things out on a consistent basis. Strange things are afoot at the Circle K and I want to let you all know about it as it happens. Here’s hoping 2012 keeps things interesting. Till later

Carpe Diem Kids….


32: Mountaintop Shout

This one’s gonna be a little different folks. Took a few months off to get things straight, and over that time a lot has been on my mind. A few different topics are going to get touched here as kind of a purging of thoughts and ideas. So with that said, let’s take this trip together.

First off, the family you choose can be the greatest asset in life. I call some of my cousins my brothers and sisters. They’re my best friends and in the best possible ways remind me of who I am. That goes for my closest friends too. Too many people are basing their “friendship” on a number on the side of a screen. Yes, you’ve met almost a thousand people but they are not all your friends. Not in the sense we all need anyway; The ones who can pick you up when you’re down, or better yet the ones who’ll call you out for being a complete jerk from time to time. Both sides of that coin are equally important. We lose sight of that when all we receive from our virtual friendship are likes and smiley faced comments. It’ll always hurt when the ones you truly care about tell you something you don’t want to hear, but we’re usually better for it. Why? Because if they’re truly the family you choose they only want you to better yourself, or at least not be a douche. I still feel a sting when I think about some people I don’t talk to anymore for reasons big or small. Mostly because I remember why we linked up in the first place. It’s not mooching if it’s mutual, and it’s not real help if you expect something in return. Hell, even waiting for a “thank you” can be a bit presumptuous. We could all get by with a little help from our friends, and the better ones we have, the better REAL help we’ll get. Case in point, my new house is awesome. Thanks Friends.


Second. Stop taking everything so damned personally. We have gotten very sensitive, and I don’t mean that in the intuitive way that people associate with the word. A disagreement is not a drawing of arms or somebody revealing their true feelings about you. Maybe they just don’t agree with your taste in music. Get over it and focus more on what you do agree on. Also, there are things called isolated incidents. Sadly people like to let their emotions rollover like minutes on a cell phone plan. This never ends well and usually brings unwarranted tension to otherwise harmless situations. If you have an argument about politics or something slightly above trivial leave it there, that conversation has no real business or connection to the who forgot to call whom the next day. I don’t like Twilight. No big secret there. But every once in a while, I meet someone who doesn’t know that about me. And boy do they get all up in arms in a very personal way in defense of the series. In short, the person never really defends Twilight in any real way, they more validate why they like it and why they shouldn’t be judged for it. Problem is, I never judged them for it, I judged the series. I do believe that you should never have to explain why you love the things you do, but should at least be able to. Seeing the world past the front of your own face is a key component here. As I’ve said before, our digital reliance on instant gratification and positive feedback has made us the all important wizard in our own world, and we carry that sentiment around with us everywhere. The world keeps moving, and things happen with or without your thought, feelings or influence. Get used to it. So while I do think twilight sucks, that does not mean I think that you suck. Unless you try to convince me that its good literature or film. In which case, get the hell away from me.


This one is short. If you aren’t basing your opinions off of multiple sources in this time, you are part of the problem. Between facebook, twitter, Wikipedia, Fox News, CNN, Daily Show, Cobert, and various other sources. There is a barrage of info coming at us all at once. They’re all  trying to get our attention, and the need for numbers has overtaken the need to inform the people for a lot of sources. Case in point; Fox News. Stories have more than the fabled “two sides” and but still only one truth. There is what happened and what people will try to convince you of. Hell that’s why eye witness testimony has been proven to be unreliable over time. Once we filter and apply biases, the sure thing we thought was truth can be written off. No one source can be trusted when dollars supersede truth.


Your plan is flawed. There is no one way through life, and our entire existence comes almost from happenstance and luck. I’m not saying not to work for things, but keep in mind that anything can happen and probably will. The more you think your strict plans are more than guidelines things will go astray and cause more damage. I’m not where I thought I would be 5 years ago but by no means is that a bad thing. I have a good roof over my head, great people around me, and I’m happy. Society and their constraints can be damned. We’ve only got one life to live and a million ways to do it. I like those odds.


Men and Women are different. Neither group is complicated, and both generally want the same thing; to not be alone. It’s the courses they take to get to there vary, and here’s a shocker, it can even differ for person to person within the gender. So ladies, if you’re worried about how much the guy you like dates around, keep in mind the same things that attracted you to him are probably attracting other girls. It doesn’t make them sluts or whores because frankly, that other girl is saying the same thing about you, when you both should be targeting that anger at him. Guys, women want to be respected. I know it sounds crazy, but bear with me for a second. Imagine a relationship where you’re actually friends with a girl as well as lovers and not this one dimensional caricature of what people think a relationship should be. On this same note, keep separate interests. Stay in touch with your friends and maintain  a life of your own so that when you come back to your partner (yes partner, that’s what every couple should be) you’ll actually have something worth a damn to say. Things will stay fresh and you’ll be able to better grow together as you continue to grow separately.

Wow, this is nowhere near done. Looks like we got ourselves a two parter.

To be continued….


Carpe Diem Kids.