Wrasslin’ State of Mined: Goldberg Returns to RAW, Women Enter the Cell and Paige is in the Doghouse (10.19.16)

Also: No Chin Music. Bray goes full Taker, and The BFF’s may be splitting up.

Fair warning, i’m running on no sleep and have what I can only describe as an ornery dementor living in my skull. Things may get a little, stranger than normal. Okay, you ready? First things first, I do not want a Goldberg v Brock Lesnar match in the year of our lord 2016. I barely wanted it in 2004, when Goldberg was still a ridiculous physical specimen and Brock was more willing to actually wrassle and less apt to pummel people until his music hit. So with WWE using their marketing muscle to push this “confrontation”, centered around a WWE 2K17 dream match, i’m left in the wind, wondering where all the cowboys have gone. Hey, I warned this could get weird. 

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Let’s be clear, there will be a confrontation, and based on the strength of that confrontation, they’ll decide if the want to have more confrontations. Some confrontations become matches, some become nothing.Well after what has to be the best promo of his Goldberg’s career, a strong case was made for why this match should happen. Goldberg gets to play the hero to his kid, and the millions he left behind on his last WWE run.  There’s clearly a marquee value to the two men facing off in some capacity, but Goldberg is pushing 50, and not nearly in the shape he was in when both he and Brock left the company the first time.

Add to that, the match wasn’t even that good the first time. So anything they do now would feel like a do-over, far too late to erase any memories of that much maligned WrestleMania bout. Still, when a man can come out breathing smoke and calls out the biggest bully in the company, the nostalgia strings will be pulled to maximum tension. Let’s just hope they can leave the crowd in better standing than they did last time around.

The Chin That Got The Win

You want to see a huge difference between Raw and Smackdown, look no further than the ascension of the chinless jobber known as James Ellsworth. Another byproduct of the thinner roster and not wanting to run the same matches week after week, an odd looking man was thrust into a situation too big for him to handle and the crowd responded. As such, the creative team ran with it. I can readily admit that WWE can, and already has, run this a little too long, but there were so many satisfying moments, all leading up to No Chin Music, that it made it made the overlong match palatable.

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Smackdown Live, even though it has almost the same viewership as Monday Night RAW, will always be the B show, and as a result, gets to take a few more chances. Chances like Heath Slater and Rhyno winning the tag titles. Chances like letting Miz run with the IC Championship, and of course, the man with two fists and a punchers chance. I’m sure WWE knows well enough not to put what’s still the most prestigious championship in their company on a jobber, but they will gladly exploit his popularity to both milk the Dean Ambrose/AJ Styles story while John Cena is on hiatus, and sell some overpriced shirts. It’s still wrasslin’.

These Women Are In Cages!

This Sunday, during the Hell in a Cell PPV, history will once again be made as Women’s Champion, Sasha Bank faces Charlotte in the first ever, women’s Hell in a Cell match. It’s a momentous accomplishment for a company that has oddly had more than a few glass ceilings keep them from progressive movements, like their lack of an African-American WWE Champ (not counting The Rock), but it’s also an accomplishment slightly tarnished by their current state of affairs.

I’m not going to argue whether or not the women involved deserve to take part in this match. I 100% back equality however it may come. The men have Hell in a Cell matches, so should the women. Down the line to whichever high risk stip you can think of. I just wonder if the sanitization of the “extreme” matches is what has made this possible. I.E., if the Attitude Era never truly ended, would WWE allow the women to participate in a match that is known for ripping the competitors to shreds, and literally shortening careers? I don’t know. The PG-Era has seen much of the bite be taken out of matches like this one. None of which feeling all that special or different than any other match. We know that Charlotte and Sasha will just about kill each other without the damn cage, so that cell itself doesn’t add the layer of danger that it does for other competitors, which, you have to admit is commendable. Still, with all of the politicking and posturing about “true” main events and what a “real” Hell in a Cell match is, I don’t want what is a high point in women’s wrestling to get lost. Or for the two women in the ring to be overshadowed.

What Else Ya Got?

Right now, it honestly feels like WWE is just trying shit out before going into the Road to Wrestlemania, which doesn’t officially kick off until the Royal Rumble, but they have arguably the most talented crop of performers in company history, and it doesn’t feel like anyone is doing anything of consequence. Which I don’t mind as a fan. I want them to flex some creative muscle, but at least give the pairings and matches a sense of urgency.

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Bo Dallas turned on Curtis Axel, but we only kinda care about one of them. Sami Zayn teamed up with Neville in a one off situation, before taking Beefy Strongdude on his challenge, and the Sheamus/Cesaro team is supposed to be challenging the New Day, but no one really believes that they’ll pull off a win. And even if they do, it’ll feel cheap if only because it feels unearned considering how long New Day has held onto the titles.

Stuff and Thangs

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Ugh, I don’t know what they’re doing with Bray. I just don’t. It’s all of zero consequence, and Randy Orton is not someone I want to root for. Just put Bo with his brother already and let them run roughshod through Smackdown for a few months. How is this not already in motion.

I missed last week, while a bunch of Paige news was breaking, so forgive me for retreading. I don’t often like to comment on personal relationships, especially of “notable” couples, but man everything about this just feels wrong. Paige reported proposed to Alberto El Patron (Del Rio) last week during his match in Puerto Rico, then his ex-wife, that he’s still legally married to made sure to point out that their marriage was still very much on the books. This all came after WWE made sure to  put out that she most definitely failed the wellness test for illegal substances, and it was not a case of unregistered prescription meds. Everything about this is messy and it’s becoming less and less likely that Paige will be back in a WWE ring while she’s stomping around with Del Rio.

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Okay, i’m tapping out. Much like Reigns should every now and then. Man, they have no clue how to get that guy over. Little hint, maybe stop having him break up Rusev’s family moments. That’s a dick move. If I missed anything, let me know on the Twittah Machine. Then we talk about all the ways Friends was literally a white washed version of Living Single. Till then….

Deuces Kiddos

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